Victor Crowley -Hacking The Hell Out Of The Hatchet Franchise

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With as many horror franchises that exist it’s somewhat easier to forgive myself for just being introduced to Victor Crowley and his Hatchet legacy.
For all those who haven’t traveled into the swamps of Louisiana or, for the fans who have begged to be a victim let’s take a look into what in my opinion is the best and worst of these movies, that have to blatantly remind you of an 80s rival, who comically was hired to portray both parts. We just love being torn to bits by Kane Hodder don’t we?

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Victor Crowley has a story yearning to be told and unlike Jason Voorhees and his mommy issues, Vic has more parental yearnings for his daddy. It could be because Victor has a Jerry Springer talk show story to tell. You see his dad was married to a woman who became really sick from cancer so his dad thought it best to fornicate under her nose and on her deathbed cursed their unborn child. Victor was born heavily deformed, think Sloth from The Goonies meets Predator at the hair salon. All these movies needed was an Arnold Schwarzenegger cameo to bust out and give us that infamous line of “You are one ugly motherfucker!!” You don’t even become aware of this storyline until Hatchet II 

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Adam Green intiially only tells us of the story of how 3 young boys on Halloween night set off fireworks outside his house to lure him out so they coukd get a glance at the freak. Things turn for the worse when the small house catches on fire. His dad returns home to try and break the door down. Unfortunately he didn’t warn Victor to step away from the door and he gets the hatchet embedded into his head. As time goes on his dad dies of a broken heart and the folklore is that Victor returns every night howling for his daddy.

A group of friends in the first installment go to Nola to celebrate Mardi Gras and, one friend convinces the other that instead of seeing ample amounts of breasts that remind him of his breakup, he’d rather go on an illegal haunted boat ride.

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The best aspect of this first introduction aside from
Deon Richmond slaying my funny bone was the casting of Kane Hodder, Tony Todd and, Robert Englund in the same slasherific film. How do you automatically not want to watch that….it’s a kill kill kill.. win win win not too!!

The sequel brings in another Scream Queen from our childhoods now all grown up. Danielle Harris will sign the most contracts for this franchise. She takes an ass kicking but, gives horror women everywhere the opportunity to showcase we just don’t run and fall down or, only take showers in horror history.

Hatchet III brings in more heavy casting alumni. Zach Gallighan from Gremlins & House Of Wax is the sheriff running this sequel and he’s needing help with his accent. It drove me mad the whole movie :/
This plot is to give Victor what he wants, which hasn’t worked out thus far by going to what was the best cameo in this films house, Sid Haig and recover the ashes to Vics’ dad so he can stop haunting the people who stupidly continue on a nightly engagement show up unwelcomed to his house. I mean seriously guys he doesn’t like suprises so stop showing up with just flashlights. Maybe he’s hangry and could use a home cooked meal!!

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The first 3 tell a continuous tale taking place within 3 nights. Some of the kills are very gory, some hilarious *the sex scene in which a guy keeps hitting it from the back with his top head chooped off* and some repetitive in nature. The most recent installment however changes from Hatchet in name to Victor Crowley. It starts with a chapter from the 60s which would have made more sense to me had it been the dad & mom on the night they were engaged. I was wrong and so was the majority of this script. This was the first to elicit the why am I wasting my time on this reasoning.
It had its moments of sign a dick and balls to death outside of the deformed scenerios. It lagged more then the others and was completely over the return of one character in particular who only made logical sense up until the second installment. There was a suprise that I guessed correctly at the end but, it’s clear just like Jason we might see Mr. Crowley in space one day as well.

Are you a fan of my reviews and, this franchise? Let’s keep the conversation going. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these slasher flicks!!

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